4 days ago
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I've never received a virtual award before… and maybe a real one only a couple of times. Once in middle school I received a Citizenship Award for being a good and caring student, and another time a Participation Award for completing the Canada Fitness Challenge without giving up. So, you can imagine my amazement at receiving an award for being 'Neighbourly'!
My online friend Pastor Sharon at Dances with God gave me this award in thanks for my support of a not so popular blog she posted some time ago. And I thank her for her kindness to me, and for the honour and the cool badge that I can post in various places. Thanks Sharon!
It feels wonderful to get recognition of any kind, yet I feel something slightly different about being recognized for my character rather than my achievement. There's this small pang of disappointment that my blog (and I) weren't chosen for great writing, or incredible impact, or excellent research, or hilarious content… rather than being recognized for being a loving neighbour to my internet friend.
It reminds me of a verse that goes something like this, 'beauty fades and charm is fleeting, but a woman of the Lord is to be praised'. Do I want to be a woman of the Lord - oh yes, please let that be true. But, do I want to also be beautiful and charming as well - yes I admit I do, maybe even more so on some days.
It's that constant vying of flesh and spirit inside me that causes my angst. And I know I'm maybe disclosing too much reality here for some, but the physical world gets it's claws in sometimes, and those deadly things that God hates raise their ugly heads in my life, my mind, my actions. I wish I could say it wasn't so, but it is.
So here I am, with my very first 'award', and I feel disappointed. So pathetic. So true. And I can see that I need to do some damage control. So, I'm going to keep this short, and go hang out on my porch with a coffee, my dog and the good book. Yep, that's where my attitude will get readjusted, where forgiveness can be requested and received. And that's where my focus can change from earthly to eternal rewards.
Forgive me this today,
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