Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I double dare you…

After two weeks on the road, our family has arrived home again. And after that length of time with the rest of my (trapped) family members, I have to say that this 'love dare' thing I/we started has applications to not only marriage, but every other relationship I have. Trouble is, I'm recognizing that I'm messing up in almost every case (except for with Buddy, my dog, who is the most forgiving family member I live with, and he was at home these two weeks with the house/dog-sitter).

Anyway, the man in my life (my darling hubby of 22 years) and I, found it hard to consistently read a chapter a day while on vacation, so we are about to start again on the daily dare thing now that we are back home. He thinks we'll be able to focus better. I think it might just be a different type of struggle for focus, but I'm still game.

This morning I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat on the porch to read "Day 7 - Love Believes the Best"… for the second time. I find I have to read things two and three times these days for the words to really sink in (or is that just a sign of aging?) So I read the chapter and I did my fair share of twitching and fidgeting as I felt both self-righteous and guilty at the same time. Then I got to my favourite part… the dare!!!

Today it was all about writing lists… two lists. One to focus on the positive characteristics of my man… one on the negative. And then the lists were to be put in a secret place for later… for what I wondered?

It felt weird writing down some of the things I did, but in another way it was good to really search out words to express all the good (bad and ugly) things that I felt about my husband. And I soon saw that the positive list was longer than the negative… that was a surprise :) And, I also saw that some of the same things were on both lists, but in different ways.

For example… being a leader was on the positive list… while being a control freak was on the negative list. Just a slight twist in perspective takes a good thing and turns it sour. Back to the concept of love believing the best rather than the worst about those we care about, right? Seems I need a wee bit of rehabilitation in this area. But, one day at a time.

So, my lists are written, and hidden. And I'm waiting for what comes next. In the meantime I'm searching for my man's hiding spot, and hoping his positive list is longer too.

Oh, you can get this book online or at your (my local) Christian bookstore.

Willing to change,



  1. This is a lovely book, movie and exercise. we, like you, have found it to be effective for other relationships besides marriage.

  2. Thank you for sharing this Lesley-Ann, I'll be stopping by the bookstore tomorrow to pick it up. I smiled with much empathy at your frustration with your inability to acheive immediate perfection in carrying out the exercises. Perfectionist is another word that could sit on both positive and negative lists. I'm off to make my two lists now, and I think I might make one about myself as well...



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