I double dare you…

After two weeks on the road, our family has arrived home again. And after that length of time with the rest of my (trapped) family members, I have to say that this 'love dare' thing I/we started has applications to not only marriage, but every other relationship I have. Trouble is, I'm recognizing that I'm messing up in almost every case (except for with Buddy, my dog, who is the most forgiving family member I live with, and he was at home these two weeks with the house/dog-sitter).

Anyway, the man in my life (my darling hubby of 22 years) and I, found it hard to consistently read a chapter a day while on vacation, so we are about to start again on the daily dare thing now that we are back home. He thinks we'll be able to focus better. I think it might just be a different type of struggle for focus, but I'm still game.

This morning I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat on the porch to read "Day 7 - Love Believes the Best"… for the second time. I find I have to read things two and three times these days for the words to really sink in (or is that just a sign of aging?) So I read the chapter and I did my fair share of twitching and fidgeting as I felt both self-righteous and guilty at the same time. Then I got to my favourite part… the dare!!!

Today it was all about writing lists… two lists. One to focus on the positive characteristics of my man… one on the negative. And then the lists were to be put in a secret place for later… for what I wondered?

It felt weird writing down some of the things I did, but in another way it was good to really search out words to express all the good (bad and ugly) things that I felt about my husband. And I soon saw that the positive list was longer than the negative… that was a surprise :) And, I also saw that some of the same things were on both lists, but in different ways.

For example… being a leader was on the positive list… while being a control freak was on the negative list. Just a slight twist in perspective takes a good thing and turns it sour. Back to the concept of love believing the best rather than the worst about those we care about, right? Seems I need a wee bit of rehabilitation in this area. But, one day at a time.

So, my lists are written, and hidden. And I'm waiting for what comes next. In the meantime I'm searching for my man's hiding spot, and hoping his positive list is longer too.

Oh, you can get this book online or at your (my local) Christian bookstore.

Willing to change,

Lesley-Anne

I dare you…!!!

We have been on family vacation for a week now… from our drive down Hwy 97 into the US, enjoying the hot arid climate of the Okanogan Valley of Washington State, not much different than Kelowna, our home. Then, along the Historic Columbia River Highway into Portland… amazing scenery, wonderful meals, different hotels each night, and lots of together time. It took some getting used to… being together 24-7!

Started something new today… day seven of holidays and day one of 'The Love Dare'… a book I picked up yesterday in a Seaside, Oregon book store. It caught my eye because I'd heard of it in a couple of different places. Watched the movic 'Fireproof' with the family, in which this Love Dare is a concept undertaken by the main character to save his failing marriage. Each day for (40?) days, a different reading along with an application immediately applied in my marriage… so, not just heady stuff, but real life stuff.

I think it's going to be hard. I don't know if I can do it.

And having spoken those negative words here… ironically here is day one's 'Dare':

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

Here goes…

Do you twitter?

I've been online a lot lately, trying to find out what blogs are interesting, who's saying what, reading what, following what. I've been networking a wee bit and trying to make connections with potential readers, but most of all I've been blogging on my blogs.

It's a tad overwhelming trying to figure it all out… and wondering at times why I'm trying to conquer the virtual world… or even get a handle on something that is a constant moving target. Bottom line is I really just want to write, receive the ocassional comment, and know that I've somehow connected with a real person out there. That is enough for me. For now.

There's just so much to learn, and I still get pretty excited when I figure out something new… like hyper-linking, or pasting badges, or downloading photos to my blog. What might be taken for granted by other more technologically adept bloggers, is still thrilling for me.

And I sometimes forget things I've done in the past… but am reminded by emails that arrive from places I've subscribed to, Google alerts I've set up, or networks I've joined. And I begin to see that I just don't have time to do it all well, so I do what I can and focus on the writing more than anything else.

Because I've discovered that I have to write to be whole… and I write to get out all the stuff that has been churning around inside me for years… and I write to connect with others that might be feeling the same things… and I write to perhaps shed a little light, give a little hope, share a little humanity with other humans.

One day I might be inspired to involve my graphic designer brother to design an attractive and creative blog environment for me, but for now the words will have to speak for themselves… with the ocassional photo thrown in… and maybe a badge or two.

I'm happy to share something I was emailed today… it's a list of how to Twitter well… just in case that's something you'd be interested in. For newbies like me, here's what the Twitter homepage says about their service,

"Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?"

Twitter isn't part of my life yet… but maybe in time. My cell phone is only a week old (yes, my very first cell phone) I really don't know much about Twitter yet, so I'd better do a little surfing to find out and be able to comment from a more educated point of view. But, if you already Twitter, check this out;

Twitter Checklist (63)

As I dabble in the virtual world, I have to wonder if I dabble in the real world too? Have I got a handle on things here? Am I wasting the time I've been given? Does my life have purpose? Do my values and my actions line up? When I ask that simple Twitter question, 'What am I doing', what would my answer be?

I say that I love God above all else, and that I love people… but, what am I doing? I say that my husband and my family are my top priority… but, what am I doing? I say that writing is a gift that I've been given… but, what am I doing? I say that I want friendships within a community of accountability… but, what am I doing? I say that I want to be strong and healthy… but, what am I doing? I say that I want to be useful, and make a difference… but, what am I doing?

So, I guess Twitter is pretty profound after all. And that's just a first very superficial dabble. Now I need to drag myself away from this blog and refocus on my priorities and then maybe later, I can begin working through the realities of these questions for me.

TTYL,

Lesley-Anne

Mother daughter date night

Went to the movies tonight with my daughter Claire to see 'Up'. Didn't expect to need kleenex for this movie… but I did. It was wonderful… like Finding Nemo and Wall-E, it was beautifully animated, well scripted, a great story line, and not one bit of toilet humour to speak of. It's amazing how unnecessary this type of adult add-on is in childrens and family movies, yet how common. Thank God for Pixar!

'Up' was a warm and wonderful tale of love and loss and the discovery of things that matter most… relationships and finding purpose… even late in life. The love part of the tale was what initially grabbed me and held me and had me seeking out my hubby for a hand holding walk when I came back home. I don't want to spoil the movie for you, but see it if you can. I can promise you that it will touch your heart, make you laugh, and you might even clap your hands at the end.

I'm going to ask for the DVD when it comes out, and add it to some of my other fav's… Enchanted, White Christmas, The Princess Bride, Nacho Libre, Ratatouille and Master's of Disguise. Aren't movies fantastic!

Going to the theater is still a bigger than life experience for me… the popcorn tastes better there than at home, and there's something so romantic about looking up at the big screen. And to think I wasn't allowed to go to the movies until I was 16! But, that's another story:)

Good night all,

Lesley-Anne

But I don't feel old!

This is a post about hair, and the way it makes you feel to have a style and colour that works, and portrays on the outside the image of who you think you might possibly be on the inside.

I was cruising around the net this morning and found "Going Gray Looking Great", a site dedicated to going women transitioning from processed to natural hair! Which had me thinking about my own hair and what colour it really is underneath the 'highlights', chunks and streaks. And do I really want to become acquainted again with the real me?

But, first, something I wrote a couple of years ago before the real, hardcore, effects of menopause began to take hold. I thought it might be interesting to see what I was thinking then, compared to present day when physical evidence is much more apparent!

"Skin Deep:

Every once in a while, OK, let’s be honest, almost daily, I find myself staring in a mirror, and what starts as a quick fix of the hair or a lipstick touch-up becomes a critical assessment of what I see. I push and pull my face, considering my chin’s defining curve, or how the lines on each side of my mouth -- my smile lines -- remain long after my smile is gone. And then, while I stare in an unkind way at my refection, my mind wanders to consider changing what I see... 'Botox'... and other kinds of procedures that are mainstream in our culture and affordable, begin to lure me dangerously close. Part of the attraction is vanity, no doubt about it, but part of it is because the age I feel inside doesn’t match how I look on the outside. It’s easy to get stuck in the dichotomy of this.

One recent and memorable morning, as my husband and I lingered over our last breakfast in Maui, an older couple sat down at the table next to us. I was soon mesmerized by them. They appeared to be at least 80 years old and on vacation just as we were. And they were in love. They spoke in hushed voices -- she reaching over to touch his face. She smiled, eyes crinkled up in a brown, age spotted and furrowed face, and I caught a glimpse of unique beauty. The woman’s face wasn’t pretty, or smooth or made up to be more beautiful, but it was full of joy. Her face radiated joy. It radiated the beauty that only time can bring, the beauty of a woman loved for many years. And a woman who loved herself as she was.

Now I don’t pretend to know her life’s details, or know much beyond my obviously superficial observation, but seeing that woman made me stop and consider what true beauty really is. Which brings me back to the mirror and the face I look at each day with a little disappointment. And as I, and perhaps you too, occasionally give consideration to altering the signs of aging, I wonder if it might be better to embrace my age and stage as a gift? Aren’t the lines I would choose to erase the very indicators of wisdom and character, tried and tested and true? Would I wipe the slate clean of what proves me to be a survivor, creating a taut canvas rather than a beautiful masterpiece made more priceless with years? Some days I come awfully close to doing so.

It’s a battle, and one I am sure to fight again and again over the years. But, I’m determined to not give in to the message that says youthfulness equals happiness. I will seek to discover the joys of my aging beauty in new ways, ways sprinkled generously with wisdom and grace, rather than covet the untried, wild and illusive beauty of youth."

Two years after writing this heart felt piece, I can tell you that the battle has become more violent… the casualties including my middle, my face, my hair, my emotions, and my mind… not necessarily in that order and certainly not all at once, but still, I've found that this new reality of living in a mid-menopausal body is very difficult at times.

When I wrote 'Skin Deep', my concerns were limited to wrinkles… but now that the rest of my body has suddenly become involved, it's not so easy to philosophize and muster up that same resilient approach to aging. Every morning when I get dressed I grieve a little about my waistline, and as I take Maca nutrient supplements with my hot coffee, I consider whether they will really do what they promise… to balance and energize me enough to make a difference. I'm trying to figure out how to love myself again in a newly shaped body and how to accept this a reduced capacity in the task and productivity parts of me. It's not going to happen overnight!

So, just for fun, I thought I'd take a look at a few hairstyles that I've played with over the past couple of years… and consider whether they might work in gray. 'Cause gray and blond are not that different… are they?

Here goes…

Tell me what you think!

It is 'well'

It has begun…

With the final written exams, the last day of classes, the carefully chosen teacher gifts, the return to the now empty school building to pick up report cards, and the arrival of summer solstice and long evenings of twilight… summer has officially begun for us. And as much as I've longed for these days of non-committed hours and spontaneous relaxation, I have to admit that the first few hours have been riddled with anxiety.

Picture 6 - 16 year old boys in my living room playing COD4 and hanging their long legs over the edges of our couch and chairs. Picture the same boys texting and making phone calls, and eating and drinking and acting like they live here… which is what I thought I wanted to have happen just a few short days ago. Picture me standing awkwardly behind the couch, trying to be the charming host, offering up interesting conversation and getting very little response and absolutely NO eye contact. Picture my daughter looking at me with panic in her eyes, retreating to her room for a little quiet time, and my 13 year old son trying hard to fit in with his older brother and friends. Noise, testosterone, nervous energy, angst, stilted conversation and I soon retreat as well… to the laundry room to fold some clothes… feeling like the odd mother out for no real reason other than the voices in my head that tell me it is so.






Then the voice asks me what they are doing here in the first place, and a wee bit of resentment starts to build. And that's never a good thing.

There's an idealized picture in my head (and in my husband's head too, I think) of what we'd like our home to be. We want to be the place where our kids and their friends gather, where they want to be. We think that's a great gift to give our kids, and it works for us as well because we don't have to worry about where they are and what they are doing.

We talk about it, plan for it in how we build our home, invest in it (put in a pool last summer)… and it's all great in theory, but when it starts happening in real life… it's a bit scary. I feel so ill-equipped for the role of hostess to these 16 year old kids… and I don't know why. I'm not sure what to say or not to say… whether to give them space or whether to engage with them. I know food is needed, but I don't really know how to let them eat and spill and not clean up and not say thank you. When they are here in our home I feel like I don't belong here myself… which is not a great way to feel.

Anyway, the 16 year olds came and went and I survived, somewhat shakily and inadequately in my own mind. Today we are hosting a more manageable and comfortable and interactive 11 year old friend of my daughters… and that is just so much better. Albeit this child is more like a niece, but I don't feel the nervousness when she is here. And I have to admit I don't feel nervous when 13 year old's are here either. There's just something about those big boys that makes my heart beat faster and I'm going to have to figure out some way to get over these feelings fast.





My husband always thinks it's about the physical space we need to be together in one building… and sees the soon to be completed basement 'rec. room' as the solution to all of our problems. Then the gaming will take place one floor beneath me, the food will be spilled out of sight, and the long legs will have dedicated space to stretch out in. And sleepovers will even be possible - yikes!!!






Maybe that's the answer to everything… or maybe I just need to create a different kind of space in my head and in my heart for these big man-children who really don't mean me any harm, are just figuring things out socially, and who really just like having a place to hang out in, with a mom who asks odd questions and all. Maybe my capacity needs stretching… my grace a little exercise… just maybe…?

Quite often, it's actually me that needs to grow up!

Ouch!

Lesley-Anne

This is summer…

Well, it's finally here. The kids are finishing up school this week, and our family vacation is only a few weeks away. And we are all so very ready this year.

Summer camp, weekends on the lake, trips to the ocean, and time at home with friends are all conjured up in my memories of summer's past. So many good times with people we love in places we will never forget.

I thought I might
just share a few moments with you.




Day's end -- surfing's done

Beach cookout… mmmm… s'mores and red wine

Riding shotgun for channel boarding

Claire with salted beach hair

Evening light on S. Chesterman Beach

Sun kissed Malcolm at the beach cookout

Tidal pool life

Bob's dockside view of things


So, I bid you adieu for a few days… and trust that you might also
choose to take time this summer to sip a glass of chilled wine,
laze in the sun, walk along a beach,
and read a good book,
splash the kids,
kiss your love,
and admire the incredible view
from here.

Love,
Lesley-Anne